Thank you

[Rushing through life like nothing here truly satisfies me.]

It maybe be over but it wont stop there. My life continues without the constant pain, but still keeping that sense of fear. The fear that someday, I'll go through it again. *smiles* Huh. Life is but a circle. I  WILL go through it again, but this time, I wont suffer. 

I hate  how my life revolves around people. Random people. I hate  how they are exactly the ones who teach me the most important lessons. 

Like how not to trust the human spirit. Like how happiness does not consist in the material satisfaction, but in the amount of moments that made you love to be alive: like true love, like a true friend, like a good parent, like a good confident.

Thank you. For each of those things. At one point, you made me feel them all at the same time. You --- the most simple of the human beings. Nothing in you was special, nothing made you shine in any way, you had no great qualities. Nothing in/about you ever prefigured what you'll be able to make me feel.

That simple way of being. The simple words you used. The simple, unsophisticated methods of expressing yourself. The way you pronounced those simple words : I Love You. Everything was so simple. Yet, at an emotional level, it was all so majestic.

The beauty of life consists in its simplicity. Because the fragility and unpredictability of life do not allow you to wish for perfection. It's a suicide to even try. Thank you for teaching me that.

Maybe this is your purpose in this world. To teach me. To teach me how beautiful love is. It was wrong to expect anything greater than what we had, because there simply isn't anything deeper or more intense.

Perhaps I never told you--- how I loved your smile; how I loved it when you were looking deep into my eyes while reaching to hold my hand; how I loved looking at you while you sleep. You always slept so peacefully... like time stopped and it was just you and me.       

Im sorry I let you go. My lover. My best friend. Truth is, I miss those great moments we shared. Those were the best 19 months of my life.

The separation was hell. Hell on earth. There's nothing quite like walking away although you two still madly love each other. The time away was hell. Simply because I never met another person  as simple and beautiful as you.

If there's anything left to say, its thank you. Thank you for teaching me the most precious lesson. Next time, I'll do it right. 

And deep down inside...

Motto:
Let me remind you esto no es un escrito de odio. No lo es. Solo me quero recordar del pasado incerto que hemos compartido. Ame esse niño perdido. Lo juro, lo ame. Pero no lo voy amar nunca mas.


It is sufficiently clear that all things are changed, and nothing really perishes, and that the sum of matter remains absolutely the same. Yet, the instability of the teenage mind begs to differ.

I have reached the most hidden thoughts, I have reaches dreams that rip your soul into tiny, tiny pieces. To be able to lift yourself up when others throw you to the ground, to be able to believe when others lie to you, to be able to keep what others would throw away, to still be warm even though "outside" is raining, to still know how to smile even though you're heart's crying, this is what keeps you alive.

The right word was spelt accidentally, but it made me realize what this is all about and why am I running away. The word was "limitation". I see my life in stages each dominated by aberrant soundtracks which keep unwinding in my emotionally-unstable and easily-manipulated mind.

I hate him. I hate him till the point of crying. I hate him because I feel I have given up happiness when I gave up him. He has taken away with him every twinge of my bleeding heart. Maybe that's why I feel so empty.

Except the fact that my heart is dying with each breath I take, there's nothing left to say. And that's probably because im not in love with you anymore. My God.. it really happened... I really broke that thin line that still held us together.

You are a monster. A monster, I say. And please remember esso no es un escrito de odio. No, i pronouce these words with fear and not anger.

You scare me... I honestly hate you, and yet, I can still slide away deep into my dreams. And nothing can shake the peace that surrounds the small oasis hidden inside the depth of my soul. Not even your harshest words. Not even your most beastly behaviour. Nothing you do can ever hurt me.

You have lost your best friend and the only person who truly loved you. I haven't lost anything.