the little boy that changed my life

I think I met him almost three years ago. I met him randomly, in a moment of my life when I was at the beginning of the road, but already lost.

    I just got out of a thing I used to call "relationship" back then, and I thought I was feeling really depressed about it. Haha. Only later did I learn the true meaning of pain.

    He was completely caught up by me... instantly. And I loved it. To be honest, I never loved him, I just loved the way he loved me.The way he adored everything about me. The way he'd think of me day and night. The way he'd email me three times a day although we'd spend hours upon hours chatting.

    He loved me. And I loved being loved. That was the only reason things went well...
    And then it happened. Something shook  my world. He proposed. ... He had just come from a trip to Turkey, I think, and i remember him missing me terribly. I remember what he said as soon as he got home:
" Baby these 15 days in Turkey weighted more than 15 years of my life just waiting to talk to you [...] I guess what Im trying to say is... Lavinia, will you marry me? "

    That was the moment. The moment that made everything change. The little boy that was crazy about me became the man who wanted to be my child's father. [At least in my mind.. ]

    That's when I started loving him. And planning. And wishing. And hoping. Not because my feelings changed, but because I realised how serious he was. It's never a good idea to tell a woman she's the most precious thing you have, she'll get cocky. Just tell her she's special. She's special.

    I felt special. In my mind I was already picking the kids' names. Because HE WAS SERIOUS. Because he was no longer a little boy getting his first taste of true love. He was this man that wanted to plan his whole life with me. And it was something he had thought about all that time he was away.

    [I loved it. Every second of our short marriage.]

    But like everything in life, nothing's eternal. Especially not love. And when the dream is over, you don't have anything else to do but smile and move on...  or..
..
..
.....
...... or ....
maybe email that little boy again.





* Then again, nevermind. It's enough just to know that ..
   ..... The BEST things in life are FREE... *

It's like I've waited my whole life, FOR THIS ONE NIGHT

Já não estava habituada a isto, se é que algum dia me irei habituar....
Esta distancia é dura, deixa-me triste...
Sinto um vazio enorme quando estás longe...
Sinto um aperto no peito que mal me deixa respirar...
Uma sensção enorme de sufoco que não consigo controlar...
Sinto falta do teu cheiro, do teu toque, do teu beijo, dos teus olhos a olhar nos meus, da tua voz...
Sinto saudade de me fazeres a mesma pergunta umas 5 vezes...
Sinto a tua falta, sinto saudade...
Só sente saudade quem ama, quem é feliz, quem tem alguém tão especial como eu tenho do meu lado...
Fica comigo sempre, eu preciso tanto de ti amor...
Fica do meu lado toda a vida que eu prometo que farei tudo para te ver sorrir todos os dias meu amor...
Nada é igual quando tu não estás...
Nada se compara a ti, ao que eu sinto quando estou contigo...
Sorri sempre meu amor, ficas ainda mais bonito quando o fazes...
Não deixes que ninguém te tire essa força, essa vontade de viver...
Queria te dar mais força mas não consigo, sinto que até para mim por vezes não tenho força...
Somos enormes juntos e seremos ainda mais depois deste sacrificio enorme que estamos a fazer...
Esta dor é enorme, eu não posso negar...
Quero ser forte e nem sempre consigo....
Desculpa se algum modo te desiludo nesse sentido meu amor...
Mas eu sinto tanto medo que me faz perde as forças...
Fica comigo toda a vida porque eu não consigo viver sem ti meu principe...


Amo-te mais do que tudo e cada dia mais e mais...
Nunca mas nunca duvides que és e serás sempre o mais importante na minha vida...
Metade de mim é saudade e a outra metade és TU...



I love you more than ever, my everything.


é para você
<>

The right question is Why Do I Keep Doing This?

(18:39) A***r:            So what r ur plans?

(18:39) Lavinia S.:        haha nuttin. I have only one week of holiday

(18:40) A***r:            One week is enough to travel at least half the world…

(18:40) Lavinia S.:        hahaha dont start again :P

(18:41) A***r:            hehe, im not starting anything

(18:41) A***r:            but i guess u may be staying there then for the week

(18:42) Lavinia S.:        Of course.

(18:42) A***r:            This picture of urs is beautiful

(18:43) Lavinia S.:        haha no, its random. It’s taken with my webcam.. and totally unedited haha

(18:44) A***r:            You look cute

(18:45) Lavinia S.:        I look random

(18:45) A***r:            What do u mean by random ?

(18:47) Lavinia S.:        Just.. there’s nothing special about me haha i can look better than that :P

(18:47) A***r:            hehe that makes it much better, cuz this pic i find really cute

(18:48) A***r:            but i real like the one on ur fb profile in black, thats hot

(18:49) Lavinia S.:        hahaha OMG will u people knock it off ??!

(18:49) Lavinia S.:        u horny bastards :P

(18:49) AmxXr:            hahahaha why do u carry the ability to make us that ?

(18:51) Lavinia S.:        haha u dont need a special ability to bring guys "there":P hahaha

(18:51) A***r:            But that one is freakin hot! Call me horny or whatever

(18:51) Lavinia S.:        horny!!

(18:51) A***r:            hehe ok ;)

 (18:53) Lavinia S.:       Get another hobby :P

(18:53) A***r:            And what do u presume my hobby is now ?

(18:53) Lavinia S.:        Admiring my pics :P hahaha

(18:54) A***r:            Hm, thats one of my hobbies now, dont make me change it

(18:55) Lavinia S.:        hahaha please do :P

(18:55) A***r:            No i wont, thats something u cant take away from me hehe

(18:55) A***r:            I love what i do :P hehe

(18:56) Lavinia S.:        hahaha stop it! :P  i feel ... violated lol

(18:56) A***r:            Ok, i wont let u know next time, but i wont stop :P

(18:57) Lavinia S.:        haha fine.. ill do the same wit ur pics then

(18:58) Lavinia S.:        And analyze each and every part of u :P

(18:58) A***r:            Can u please ? hehe im curious

(18:58) Lavinia S.:        hahaha  no. im not as perverted as u  are :P

(18:58) A***r:            Maybe i need to take the pervert out of u :P

(18:59) Lavinia S.:        hahaha i dont think u can do that :P

(19:00) A***r:            But i want to find a way:P

(19:02) Lavinia S.:        hahaha stop :P

(19:02) A***r:            ok, i stop seniorita, as per ur request

 (19:05) A***r:           by the way … you look hot in that pic in black

(19:06) Lavinia S.:        lol I SAID STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

(19:06) A***r:     hehe, ok ok … why do u shout, ive stopped hehe

(19:06) Lavinia S.:        hahaha it doesnt seem so :P

(19:07) A***r:    u look, hot hot hot hot…in ur pic…in black
sorry im just in the mood hehe

(19:07) Lavinia S.:        haha u'r starting to get addicted to me :P

(19:07) A***r:     i already am

(19:10) Lavinia S.:        thats bad :P

(19:10) A***r:     I dont care

(19:12) Lavinia S.:        haha u should…ur happiness is at stake

(19:12) A***r:     what do u say my happiness is in getting addicted to u

hehe

(19:15) Lavinia S.:        dont act like u didnt get the point

(19:17) A***r:     im not acting ..i just said that im happy in being addicted to u

(19:18) Lavinia S.:        for how long ?

(19:18) A***r:     i dont know

(19:19) Lavinia S.:        dont u think ur gonna suffer?

(19:20) A***r:     I dont want to suffer, and i dont think i will

(19:20) Lavinia S.:        we wont meet. i honestly hope u understand that

(19:21) A***r:         i do. but my heart doesnt

(19:21) A***r:      :) as i say, i am addicted, hehe

(19:22) Lavinia S.:        i dont kno how this could be amusing to u

(19:22) A***r:     its not amusing, it's pure serious

(19:22) Lavinia S.:        Because when u'r really gonna understand we will never meet, ur gonna blame it on me.

(19:23) A***r:     First i dont see a reason why we r not meeting. Second, i wont blame it on u, and will have to take it as this was something that was meant to be

(19:24) Lavinia S.:        Fine. im just saying 

(19:26) A***r:     Some part of me will blame it on u though, cuz i want this moment and i will feel  much worse then u when its over but i still want to do it… not for anything else, but jus for the sake of it

(19:28) Lavinia S.:        Okay. fine. if thats wat u want, fine. if we have the time, we'll meet up this summer. But dont u ever, under any circumstances, expect anything out of it

(19:29) A***r:     I dont want u to do me any favours

(19:29) Lavinia S.:        Then let it go

(19:29) A***r:     Why? Is it because i want it? Is it only because of that ?

(19:30) Lavinia S.:        What do u mean?

(19:31) A***r:     I want us to meet, but u want to force urself out of it. Just say u dont like meeting some stupid guy off here without getting through so much fuss

(19:33) Lavinia S.:        I dont want to meet u becuz im not the way u think i am and i just dont wanna see u kicking urself over and over again becuz u took the wrong decision.

I dont wanna meet u becuz i dont even wanna let u see the way i really am .

Thats why.

Now get off my back :P

 (19:34) A***r:            Thats what i wanna find out because im interested. And i dont care about anything else, i want to see the moment whatever its outcome is, i will say that i didnt make the wrong decision

(19:36) A***r:     I always decide with feeling, and m feelings for u are right

(19:36) Lavinia S.:        I dont want to talk about it and u better stop thinking about it as well

(19:41) A***r: I'll wait till the summer

(19:42) Lavinia S.:        Why wont u understand?

(19:42) A***r:     I understand, i really do. but...im sorry, i dont want to be cheeky or sound smart but… my heart doesnt

(19:45) Lavinia S.:        ur just hurting urself then

(19:46) A***r:     hm ok. maybe i am and will

(19:46) Lavinia S.:        It wont happen.

(19:47) A***r:     the electricity here is ver bad, i wont stay online after 10 mins

(19:47) Lavinia S.:        Thats fine we'll wrap things up now.

(19:47) A***r: … but thanks for ensuring me once again, i will still wait

(19:48) Lavinia S.:        Fine then. do as u wish. But dont blame it on me afterwards

(19:50) A***r:     You only dont want to take the blame

(19:50) A***r:     I love the way u r and am damn into u, and all that matters to u is repealing for all the excuses in the world

(19:51) Lavinia S.:        Ive been thru it. and it left the most bitter taste. i dont wanna go thru it again. and i dont wanna put u thru the drama either. Just move on.

(19:53) A***r:     I dont want to, ok, im not a coward to run away from any kind of a disaster that could well happen

(19:53) A***r:     i want u to be the same, if u had the taste, u must know

(19:54) Lavinia S.:        Just move on A***r. Thats the lesson i learned. and this is wat im passing to u . Move on.

(19:55) A***r:     Im not, im waiting and i dont care about any pain

(19:55) A***r:     Now i hope u understand one thing too about how much i am really addicted to u

 

** after a long time, that wasn’t really that long, but long enough to think really hard **

 

(19:59) Lavinia S.:        Im afraid i have nothing else to say.       Just that if blocking u on msn is the only way u will understand u have to forget me, then so be it.

(20:00) A***r:        r u seriously going to block me? As if im a stalker or someone who just wants something out of someone?  You probably thought wrong of me right from the start

(20:01) Lavinia S.:        No. As in someone i  really dont want to hurt.

(20:03) A***r:     Then do so. Why do u wait?  You dont have any interest, any anything whatsoever, im irritating to u and now also a pervert. Kick me out of ur FB and block me here, if u think this is going to work

 

(20:04) A***r has been blocked

Extraño el niño de la "crazy kitten smile"

Solo esto. Te Extraño. 

Te Extraño tanto, Enrique. Tengo alguien mas ahora conmigo pero  Te Extraño, pequeña criatura perdida.
 YOU. Because you had me even without having me... ( remember? )




Sent: Tuesday, December 18, 2007 12:55:10 AM

( No more...) ( Y si te lo dije en algun momento) ( Y si lo grite o no lo dije muy fuerte ) ( Y ) ( Sobretodo ) ( Si no lo sentiste...)
 
 
                                         TE AMO

 
Porque lo hice desde siempre
Y desde siempre por ti...porque no se como nos conocimos y estoy seguro que tu tampoco sabes como nos conocimos...
 
Nose el porque de nuestro encuentro...y no me importa
 
Solo se que..
                       
                                       TE IUBESC 
   
 
 
MIENTRAS TENGA TU NOMBRE EN MI MEMORIA
 
 
 
MIENTRAS SEA HOY
 
 

MIENTRAS SEAS SIEMPRE
 
 
 
POR SIEMPRE

Sent: Wednesday, January 09, 2008 6:36:50 AM

Laus Deo,
                  Pues en materia, eres increible si las palabras que hoy nacen fulminan la existencia de un mal que yo llamo no amistad y no tengo palabras hoy. Y no tengo intencion mas que la que siempre respira mientras hablo y soy contigo, la de amarte por lo menos a travez de vibraciones. Y no tengo mas que solo agradecerte. No ha sido un buen dia para hablar de amigos. Sin embargo, tu amistad abrazada del amor que siento por ti ha hecho de ese camino el recorrido de una fantasia a medias. Completa cuando llegue a besarte sin tener que escribirte con palabras lo mucho que te quiero. Solo gracias pequeña. Solo gracias y
 
Te amo.
   
 
 
 
( mucho mas que tu y muchisimo mas de lo que crees..)





Sent: Friday, January 11, 2008 11:23:04 PM

Tu y solo tu...




Sent: Tuesday, January 29, 2008 3:27:22 AM

Laus Deo,
             Pequeńa nińa de la crazy kitten smile. He estado muy muy ocupado porque no solo he estado trabajando, sino tambien, terminando con un proyecto que empeze hace mucho, la creacion y ejecucion de una sinfonia.  La sinfonia se divide en movimientos y muchos de ellos se inspiran en ti, en tu idea y de esa forma como tus manos se mueven y cogen tu pelo cuando ries nerviosa. Me encantas. Desde siempre. Por siempre. Aunque estas sean solo unas lineas mas a los infinitos "Te quiero" que podria decirte si por alguna unica vez pasemos juntos lo que dure la eternidad.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
YO AUN
 
 
 
                                                                                                  AQUI
 
 
 
                      
                             POR TI
 
 
 

TE AMO//